PNC Bank publishes its annual Christmas Price Index for the 12 days of Christmas. For 2008, their charts are showing:

1 Partridge in a pear tree: $219.99
2 Turtle Doves: $55
3 French Hens: $30
4 Calling Birds: $599.96
5 Golden Rings: $349.95
6 Geese Laying: $240
7 Swans Swimming: $5,600
8 Maids Milking: $52.40
9 Ladies Dancing: $4,759.19
10 Lords Leaping: $4,413.61
11 Pipers Piping: $2,284.80
12 Drummers Drumming: $2,475.20

Total: $21,080.10 for just the 12th day.

Now, here at the Student Loan Network and the Financial Aid Podcast, we’re all about affordability and value.

1. An ambrosia pear tree retails for $23.50 with Gurneys. I can save you a TON of money by getting a button quail from Petfinder.com, which is what partridges are called in the new world – quail or grouse. An adoption of a bird will be about $70.

2. No way can a turtle dove cost $55. We call ‘em mourning doves and they’re a dime a dozen. Literally, you could point a shotgun or a big net in any direction near a telephone pole here and get half a dozen for free. Slightly more work if you want them alive, but still free.

3. A French hen, after Googling, appears to be a hen from France and not a specific breed. $30 is probably pretty low if you have to have the thing shipped, so let’s use the pricing PNC found.

4. Calling birds, according to the BBC, is a mispronunciation of colly bird, the European Blackbird. They’re also a dime a dozen, but you have to pay shipping. Bet you can find some teenager in London or Barcelona to trap 4 of them and ship them. Pet shipping overseas as cheap as possible should be $180 or so for chip, crate, and cargo fare.

5. PNC must be getting gold rings for $70 each or so. Amazon has 10k gold rings for $33, cheaper if you go gold plate. Let’s call it the 10k solid gold, though.

6. Geese are practically free. Want a few? Buy a hunting license for $25. Want to pay anyway? A Google of farm stock shows ordinary geese, 3 pair for $40.

7. Mute swans can be had from animal control sites; you can buy swan chicklings for $400 from McMurray Hatchery, so call this $2,800 for 7.

8. Maids will be tricky. Most temp shops and places offer unskilled labor, but I don’t know if that includes domestic farm work. Hitting Craigslist locally, I found maid services for $25/hour. 8 maids would be $200/hour, but honestly, with robot milking machines (which I’d assume you’d have) the maids would probably take about 5 minutes to get the cow hooked up and to press the start button. @caffeinatedkate on twitter pointed me to a study indicating the actual milking time would be 4.58 minutes. 40 minutes of total labor time means about $133. Can’t beat PNC’s price here.

9. What kind of ladies? Seriously. If it’s a, uh, certain category of dance, it’s going to cost you a LOT more than $4,759 for 9 ladies. On the other hand, if you’re talking standard performance artists, Boston’s Craigslist says 5 can be had for $20 each for an hour, so pro-rate that to $36 for an hour of ladies dancing as long as you don’t care what kind of dance.

10. Where does one get lords? Going with PNC here. I don’t even know where you’d source lords but I’m pretty sure I couldn’t get them that cheap.

11. Stipends for orchestra players – where you’d probably find a piper – are frighteningly cheap, at $20 or less. 11 pipers? $220, but you’ll have to make lots of arrangements in advance.

12. Drummers are less expensive than pipers on Craigslist (depending on the gig, some will play for free or just tips) so let’s use the same rate as pipers. 12 drummers will run you $240.

So how did the Student Loan Network Bargain 12 Days of Christmas do?

1 Partridge in a pear tree: $93.50
2 Turtle Doves: free.
3 French Hens: $30
4 Calling Birds: $180
5 Golden Rings: $165
6 Geese Laying: $40
7 Swans Swimming: $2,800
8 Maids Milking: $52.40
9 Ladies Dancing: $324 unless you want that *other* kind of dancing
10 Lords Leaping: $4,413.61
11 Pipers Piping: $220
12 Drummers Drumming: $220

Total: $8,538.51 for just the 12th day.

As long as you’re willing to shop around and do some work yourself on the doves and possibly the geese/swans, you can save a heck of a lot of money on the 12 days of Christmas from PNC’s list pricing. That said, you’re also going to have a houseful of probably fairly angry poultry, so good luck.

So happy holidays to you and yours from the Student Loan Network. As our holiday gift, I’d like to point out our FAFSA Line by Line eBook and Scholarship Search Secrets eBook, both of which will save you money without getting pecked to death.

Thanks as always to PNC Bank for doing their holiday list.

Full disclosure: in the past, and hopefully again in the future, PNC Bank has been a great financial partner of the Student Loan Network.